Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years?

The year is 1910, over one hundred years ago. That’s a Ford car from back then. What a difference a century makes! Here are some statistics for the Year 1910:


  • The average life expectancy for men was 47 years.
  • Fuel for this car was sold in drug stores only.
  • Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.
  • Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
  • There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads.
  • The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
  • The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower !
  • The average US wage in 1910 was 22 cents per hour.
  • The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
  • A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year,
  • A dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year,
  • And a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
  • More than 95 percent of all births took place at HOME.
  • Ninety percent of all Doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION! Instead, they attended so-called medical schools. Many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as ‘substandard.’
  • Sugar cost four cents a pound.
  • Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
  • Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
  • Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
  • There was no such thing as under arm deodorant or tooth paste.
  • Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.

The five leading causes of death were:

  1. Pneumonia and influenza
  2. Tuberculosis
  3. Diarrhea
  4. Heart disease
  5. Stroke

  • The American flag had 45 stars.
  • The population of Las Vegas Nevada was only 30!
  • Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn’t been invented yet
  • There was no Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
  • Two out of every 10 adults couldn’t read or write and only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
  • Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.
  • There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A. !

Yes, people have changed.

Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years.

Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded

I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world.

..If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

.. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.

.. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while

.. A tortoise doesn’t run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.

And you tell me to exercise?? I don’t think so.

Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I’m older (59) here’s what I’ve discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

5. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it ?

7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.

8. Some days, you’re the top dog, some days you’re the hydrant.

9. I wish the buck really did stop here, I sure could use a few of them.

10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

12. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

13. The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.

14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.

15. When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

16. It’s not hard to meet expenses . . .they’re everywhere.

17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . .
.I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m “here after”.

19. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

20. HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE BEFORE?

Highway 109

If you believe in the after life or not this piece passed on to me is very philosophical…..

?

A drunk man in an Oldsmobile

They said had run the light

That caused the six-car pileup

On 109 that night.

When broken bodies lay about

And blood was everywhere,

The sirens screamed out eulogies,

For death was in the air.

A mother, trapped inside her car,

Was heard above the noise;

Her plaintive plea near split the air:

Oh, God, please spare my boys!

She fought to loose her pinned hands;

She struggled to get free,

But mangled metal held her fast

In grim captivity.

Her frightened eyes then focused

On where the back seat once had been,

But all she saw was broken glass and

Two children’s seats crushed in.

Her twins were nowhere to be seen;

She did not hear them cry,

And then she prayed they’d been thrown free,

Oh, God, don’t let them die!

Then firemen came and cut her loose,

But when they searched the back,

They found therein no little boys,

But the seat belts were intact.

They thought the woman had gone mad

And was traveling alone,

But when they turned to question her,

They discovered she was gone.

Policemen saw her running wild

And screaming above the noise

In beseeching supplication,

Please help me find my boys!

They’re four years old and wear blue shirts;

Their jeans are blue to match.

One cop spoke up, They’re in my car,

And they don’t have a scratch.

They said their daddy put them there

And gave them each a cone,

Then told them both to wait for Mom

To come and take them home.

I’ve searched the area high and low,

But I can’t find their dad.

He must have fled the scene,

I guess, and that is very bad.

The mother hugged the twins and said,

While wiping at a tear,

He could not flee the scene, you see,

For he’s been dead a year.

The cop just looked confused and asked,

Now, how can that be true?

The boys said, Mommy, Daddy came

And left a kiss for you.

He told us not to worry

And that you would be all right,

And then he put us in this car with

The pretty, flashing light.

We wanted him to stay with us,

Because we miss him so,

But Mommy, he just hugged us tight

And said he had to go.

He said someday we’d understand

And told us not to fuss,

And he said to tell you, Mommy,

He’s watching over us.

The mother knew without a doubt

That what they spoke was true,

For she recalled their dad’s last words,

I will watch over you.

The firemen’s notes could not explain

The twisted, mangled car,

And how the three of them escaped

Without a single scar.

But on the cop’s report was scribed,

In print so very fine,

An angel walked the beat tonight on Highway 109.

Who’s on First (Updated)

Since baseball season will begin soon I thougt this piece inspired by a great baseball piece of humour might bring a smile to your face. (author unknown)

 

Who’s on First (Updated)

To fully understand. this………..You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello and you have to be old enough to not REALLY understand computers, . For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on…
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT:?Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO:?Thanks I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT:?Mac?

COSTELLO:?No, the name’s Lou.

ABBOTT:?Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT:?Mac?

COSTELLO:?I told you, my name’s Lou.

ABBOTT:?What about Windows?

COSTELLO:?Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT:?Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO:?I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT:?Wallpaper.

COSTELLO:?Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT:?Software for Windows?

COSTELLO:?No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals,track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT:?Office.

COSTELLO:?Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT:?I just did.

COSTELLO:?You just did what?

ABBOTT:?Recommend something.

COSTELLO:?You recommended something?

ABBOTT:?Yes.

COSTELLO:?For my office?

ABBOTT:?Yes.

COSTELLO:?OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT:?Office.

COSTELLO:?Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT:?I recommend Office with Windows

COSTELLO:?I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT:?Word.

COSTELLO:?What word?

ABBOTT:?Word in Office.

COSTELLO:?The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT:?The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO:?Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT:?The Word you get when you click the blue ‘W’.

COSTELLO:?I’m going to click your blue ‘W’ if you don’t start with some straight answers.What about financial bookkeeping? Do you have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT:?Money.

COSTELLO:?That’s right. What do you have?

ABBOTT:?Money.

COSTELLO:?I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT:?It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO:?What’s bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT:?Money.

COSTELLO:?Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT:?Yes. At no extra charge.

COSTELLO:?I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT:?One copy.

COSTELLO:?Isn’t it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT:?Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO:?They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT:?Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT:?Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO:?How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT:?Click on ‘START.’

Classic deft definitions! – crisp and clear

I found this in my email sent by a friend. Mostly amusing;?some thought provoking.


Ant:?A busy insect that still finds time to go to picnics.

Adder:?Mathematically inclined snake.

Atheism:?Non-prophet organization.

Babies:?Nature’s way of showing people what the world looks like?at 2 a.m.

Baby sitter:?A teenager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teenagers.

Buffet:?A French word which means “Get up and get it yourself.”

Charisma:?That mysterious something that bald, dull billionaires have.

Comic books:?The opera of the print media.

Drama:?What literature does at night.

Ecstasy:?Discovering a second layer of chocolates under the first.

Ego trip:?Something that never gets you anywhere.

Emergency numbers:?Police station, fire department, and places that deliver.

Eternity:?The first 60 seconds of a blind date.

Etiquette:?Learning to yawn with your mouth closed.

Fancy Restaurant:?One that serves cold soup on purpose.

Fear:?Excitement in need of an attitude adjustment.

Great economist:?Someone who, tomorrow, is perfectly capable of explaining why what he forecasted yesterday didn’t happen today.

Kissing:?A means of getting two people so close together that they can’t see anything wrong with each other.

Marriage:?A friendship recognized by the police.

Mobile phones:?The only subject on which men boast about who’s got the smallest.

Net worth:?Fisherman’s income.

Perfectionist:?A person who takes great pains and gives them to others.

Pessimist:?Someone who complains of the noise when opportunity knocks.

Poise:?The ability to continue speaking fluently while the other fellow is picking up the cheque.

Quartet:?Where all four think the other three can’t sing.

Real Patriot:?The fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.

Semiconductors:?Part-time band leaders.

Slimming:?Living beyond your seams.

Summer vacation:?When parents suddenly realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.

Superstition:?Dark side of wonder.

Tattoo:?Permanent proof of temporary insanity.

Walking:?A form of exercise that loses some appeal when it’s done behind a lawn mower.

Workaholic:?Someone whose favorite entertainment is?Monday morning.